After years of going 90 to nothing, working hard as a single mother, striving for “balance” and the ability to “live in the now,” I finally was awarded that gift. It was incredible, all the positivity, and a wealth of knowledge buried within me was unleashed… I was able to be my best version of myself! There aren’t words to describe how elated I was. But, it lasted only a few months, and the negative circumstances (and some people) around me took a toll. I then fought getting back to that incredible place, where I felt like everything bounced off of me as if I had some invisible force shield! I lived as if I was some sort of superhero, juggling multiple jobs, helping anywhere I could, managing problems…for too many, and for too long. But, superhero I was not, and never really aspired to be, but as a single parent you have to play both roles, and do it all, not from sheer desire, but necessity! You can’t last forever doing that!
It all hit me like running into a brick wall. I was at such a great place within myself, had risen up through many tough times, and BAM, I was out cold…I wound up flat on my back in severe pain. Having a huge tolerance for pain, it still rendered me helpless. A role I rejected in my life, but thankfully had hit my low point years before, and gained a faith in God with a sweet surrender to Him that got me to this happy place prior to it all. It was in learning of His love for me that I truly began to love myself and see all the beauty and worth I possessed. Wisdom of not being alone or having to do it all myself was so freeing and oh how He blessed me the more I let it all go. So, faced with being down, it never knocked me out, but made me ask, what am I to learn from this, how can I help others through this, and how did I get myself here?!
Answers came, though the situation has gone on 2 years now. I still do my best to seek the beauty and direction I should be going in, instead of asking why is this happening to me, I pray what can I do about it! Focusing on limitations wasn’t it, seeing the blessings was! I was blessed to be there for my daughter through a difficult time, to routinely do a daily devotion…which led me to my power verses, “ Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things!” Philippians 4:4, 6-8 He answered my prayers…and that is what I did to survive!
I did the best I could with what I had, knowing deep within it wasn’t “what” I was supposed to be doing, settling for the known, and in doing so did overtax my body, mind, and Spirit even. Attaining that season of balance where they all meshed joyfully was such a gift, which lives on through the challenges I face. I try not to fight it but rather strive to achieve my potential for each day. There is a great book called the Rhythm Of Life, by Matthew Kelly, where he eloquently maps out how to be the best version of ourselves. He states, “You were born to be the-best-version-of-yourself. This is your essential purpose. Embrace this one truth and it will change your life more than anything you have ever learned. In every situation, ask yourself, which of the options before me will help me become the-best-version-of –myself?” Everything is a choice, there are days that are harder to apply the truths I have learned, but we are blessed with the ability to start over anytime we choose.
Prior to these last few years I felt led to do some writing, a career path which had never crossed my mind. Where would the time come from in my overly hectic schedule? I basically fought it, though I have journals from the last 15 years of my life filled with gratitude (an essential key to happiness), silly poems, heartfelt cries, and deepest prayers. Encouraging and helping others, or sharing love and joy was always a goal of mine, but in person, by random acts of kindness. Ironically, sitting is one of my most painful positions, yet through my pain, I have had an opportunity to type a word of encouragement, or on a good day, what seems like a mini novel, and many words, such as this. Spreading joy regardless of the ability to be out in person has blessed me to focus on positive inspirational things, but even more so by the wonderful comments I have been privileged to get on how it made someone’s day. A priceless gift that keeps me inspired!!!
Abundant Blessings to all! ~Janine
It all hit me like running into a brick wall. I was at such a great place within myself, had risen up through many tough times, and BAM, I was out cold…I wound up flat on my back in severe pain. Having a huge tolerance for pain, it still rendered me helpless. A role I rejected in my life, but thankfully had hit my low point years before, and gained a faith in God with a sweet surrender to Him that got me to this happy place prior to it all. It was in learning of His love for me that I truly began to love myself and see all the beauty and worth I possessed. Wisdom of not being alone or having to do it all myself was so freeing and oh how He blessed me the more I let it all go. So, faced with being down, it never knocked me out, but made me ask, what am I to learn from this, how can I help others through this, and how did I get myself here?!
Answers came, though the situation has gone on 2 years now. I still do my best to seek the beauty and direction I should be going in, instead of asking why is this happening to me, I pray what can I do about it! Focusing on limitations wasn’t it, seeing the blessings was! I was blessed to be there for my daughter through a difficult time, to routinely do a daily devotion…which led me to my power verses, “ Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things!” Philippians 4:4, 6-8 He answered my prayers…and that is what I did to survive!
I did the best I could with what I had, knowing deep within it wasn’t “what” I was supposed to be doing, settling for the known, and in doing so did overtax my body, mind, and Spirit even. Attaining that season of balance where they all meshed joyfully was such a gift, which lives on through the challenges I face. I try not to fight it but rather strive to achieve my potential for each day. There is a great book called the Rhythm Of Life, by Matthew Kelly, where he eloquently maps out how to be the best version of ourselves. He states, “You were born to be the-best-version-of-yourself. This is your essential purpose. Embrace this one truth and it will change your life more than anything you have ever learned. In every situation, ask yourself, which of the options before me will help me become the-best-version-of –myself?” Everything is a choice, there are days that are harder to apply the truths I have learned, but we are blessed with the ability to start over anytime we choose.
Prior to these last few years I felt led to do some writing, a career path which had never crossed my mind. Where would the time come from in my overly hectic schedule? I basically fought it, though I have journals from the last 15 years of my life filled with gratitude (an essential key to happiness), silly poems, heartfelt cries, and deepest prayers. Encouraging and helping others, or sharing love and joy was always a goal of mine, but in person, by random acts of kindness. Ironically, sitting is one of my most painful positions, yet through my pain, I have had an opportunity to type a word of encouragement, or on a good day, what seems like a mini novel, and many words, such as this. Spreading joy regardless of the ability to be out in person has blessed me to focus on positive inspirational things, but even more so by the wonderful comments I have been privileged to get on how it made someone’s day. A priceless gift that keeps me inspired!!!
